How to Build a Good Character
The Art of Becoming Who You’re Meant to Be
“Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.” — Abraham Lincoln
Building a good character isn’t about adopting an impeccable moral stance or becoming a pillar of rectitude. Instead, it’s a dynamic, transformative process that intertwines self-awareness, resilience, and an evolving sense of purpose. In many ways, this journey resembles the classic Hero’s Journey, where personal trials, triumphs, and revelations lead to authentic growth.
At the heart of character-building is a choice—not to seek perfection, but to become more fully human, embracing both light and shadow to cultivate depth and integrity. Let’s explore this journey, blending psychological insights, ancient myths, and practical wisdom on building a truly good character.
1. Know Thyself: The Foundation of Good Character
The first and most essential step is self-knowledge. Before we can shape who we want to become, we must understand who we already are. Carl Jung emphasized the power of “individuation,” a lifelong process of integrating all aspects of ourselves—including the aspects we might prefer to ignore.
To begin this process, ask yourself:
• What values are non-negotiable for me? Discovering your core values is like finding the magnetic north of your internal compass. When you know your values, you can make choices that align with them, reinforcing your character.
• What are my weaknesses and strengths? Jung believed that our shadow—everything we repress or deny—often holds the keys to our growth. Strength isn’t about eliminating flaws but understanding and integrating them.
• Who are my heroes? By identifying those who inspire us, we glimpse qualities we aspire to embody.
2. Embrace Responsibility: The Character-Shaping Power of Commitment
A good character isn’t formed in isolation. Responsibility—in relationships, work, and community—serves as the crucible where character is refined. Joseph Campbell described the Hero’s Journey as a path where the hero leaves the familiar and is ultimately compelled to serve a larger purpose. Similarly, embracing responsibility pulls us out of self-centeredness and forces us to consider the impact of our actions.
To build character through responsibility:
• Honor commitments. Whether big or small, fulfilling promises builds integrity.
• Serve something beyond yourself. Good character grows through contributing to the well-being of others, whether in a career, family, or community.
• Learn from setbacks. Every time you make a mistake, it’s an opportunity to ask, “How can I do better next time?” Growth lies in understanding, not punishing ourselves for failure.
3. Cultivate Emotional Resilience: Learning to Stand in the Storm
Resilience—the capacity to endure, adapt, and grow stronger—is a cornerstone of a good character. Our culture often promotes the idea of happiness as the goal of life, but genuine character is built by facing adversity with courage and grace. Think of Odysseus in Homer’s epic; it was not smooth sailing but his ability to persevere that defined him.
To cultivate resilience:
• Practice mindfulness and self-regulation. Emotionally resilient people are self-aware; they can observe their feelings without being controlled by them.
• Adapt a growth mindset. Carol Dweck’s research on the growth mindset highlights that those who view challenges as opportunities to learn tend to develop stronger characters.
• Reframe failures as feedback. Every setback can be a stepping stone if we’re willing to ask, “What did this teach me?”
4. Develop Integrity: The Practice of Alignment Between Belief and Action
Integrity is often defined as doing the right thing even when no one is watching. But more broadly, it’s about alignment—bringing our actions, thoughts, and words into harmony. This creates inner peace and builds trust with others. Think of integrity as the bridge between your values and your behavior.
Building integrity requires:
• Honesty with yourself. We can only be honest with others when we’re honest with ourselves.
• Accountability. Instead of deflecting or excusing, take ownership of your actions, both good and bad.
• Consistency. To build a reputation as a person of integrity, repeat your actions over time. Each choice contributes to the architecture of your character.
5. Embrace Your Story: Finding Meaning in Your Journey
At the core of the Hero’s Journey lies a call to find meaning, not just achievement. Developing a good character is as much about understanding your unique journey as it is about adhering to abstract virtues. Just as ancient myths often involved a descent into the underworld, character growth often entails grappling with your own darkness to emerge wiser.
To build a meaningful story:
• Reflect on pivotal moments. What moments in your life have defined you? What did they reveal about your inner values?
• Craft your personal myth. Who are you becoming, and why? The story you tell yourself about your life shapes your reality.
• Seek mentorship and guidance. Heroes often have mentors, and we too can benefit from learning from others who have walked their path.
6. Cultivate Humility and Gratitude: Traits of the Truly Good
Humility and gratitude serve as the crown jewels of character, deepening our sense of self without inflating it. In mythology, we often see pride as the hero’s downfall; humility, on the other hand, opens the door to wisdom and keeps us grounded.
To foster humility and gratitude:
• Acknowledge the role of others. Even heroes have companions. Recognizing others’ contributions prevents us from becoming self-centered.
• Practice gratitude daily. Gratitude can help you stay connected to the present and appreciative of what life has given you.
• Learn from failure. Instead of seeing failure as a mark against your worth, use it as a gentle reminder of your limitations—and an opportunity to learn.
7. Find Balance: Integrate Light and Shadow
Finally, building good character requires embracing both the light and shadow within you. Jung described this as the integration of our shadow—the parts we prefer to keep hidden. Often, our greatest strengths lie on the other side of our insecurities or suppressed traits. Building character means accepting the paradoxes within us.
To find balance:
• Accept imperfection. A good character is not a perfect one; it’s an authentic one. Allow yourself room to grow.
• Use empathy to understand others’ shadows. Recognizing that everyone is carrying their own burdens fosters compassion.
• Forgive yourself. Good character grows from learning, not from self-flagellation.
The Journey Continues
Character-building is a lifelong journey, not a destination. As you make decisions, embrace responsibilities, and face life’s trials, you sculpt your character—choice by choice, day by day. The journey itself is transformative, making you more resilient, compassionate, and whole.
Ultimately, building a good character is about becoming a hero in your own life story: a hero not because of fame or perfection, but because of your commitment to live authentically, to serve others, and to seek wisdom in every experience. It’s not about becoming flawless; it’s about becoming fully, deeply human. And that, perhaps, is the most heroic journey of all.